11 Tips to Establish Successful Communication with Your Child
A lot of families on the Doman Method™ Program use Facilitated Communication (FC) as a part of their program. Some of them have successfully come this far - from silence to communication with their child! This type of communication has become part of their daily life. However, some families still struggle with Facilitated Communication. If you have problems with FC, these tips are for you! They can help improve communication, find an approach that works best for you and your child, and get closer to your desired communication!
1. persistence is key
We are sure that you as Doman Parents are familiar with:
“Frequency, Intensity, and Duration - the three wheels which work together to put you on the path of rehabilitation and recovery of brain cells.”
Successful communication is based on these same principles.
Many parents decide to either discontinue after some unsuccessful attempts or continue to try to do it “occasionally.” Communication is the same as creeping, walking, running, and brachiation. To ensure success with this, you have to devote time to it.
Don’t wait for a comfortable day or the perfect moment! The best time to start is right after reading this post! Set the frequency of communication for yourself (if it is not already indicated in your child’s program). The first attempt might be unsuccessful but the only way to master this program is to systematically, without exceptions and interruptions, keep trying. It does get easier over time. You have to figure out what time of day works best for your child and for you.
2. no fixed expectations
If you ask me for just one recommendation for FC, it would be to not foster any expectation. Having expectations automatically sets you up for possible disappointment.
You should have one goal and that should be establishing communication! Set no time frame or deadlines. You just need to do this for yourself. This can happen right away or may take a few months. Remember! No expectations.
3. shed prejudices
I have met many parents who did not even start this program because they did not believe that their child would be able to achieve facilitated communication. Not starting something definitely makes it difficult to move forward. You as Doman Parents just need to accept the idea that yes, it may not work right away or even some time down the line. However, this is true for any activity.
The question you should ask yourself is, “but what if it will work?” You won’t lose anything! And this is what you should keep in mind.
4. no testing
FC is not a way to test knowledge. FC is a way for you to ask your child what you have always wanted to know:
What does your child dream about at night?
What season of the year does your child like most?
What has your child wanted to tell you for the longest time?
It is absolutely tempting to ask questions about things that you already know (Do you love mummy/papa?). Believe me, I understand this mentality. The moment you use the FC for verification of obvious things instead of for getting to know your child, the purpose of this program will be undermined and this stream of communication will collapse. Forego the temptation and do avoid such questions.
5. make it fun
Try solving a crossword puzzle together! Pick one that is not too complicated Show your child how crossword puzzles work, by typing in the word in the respective blocks or cells. Through this, you will see if your child can type words, without making this program seem like a test!
6. Be a friend
Put your parent mode on hold and communicate with your child as his or her friend! Your child should see you as someone with whom they can discuss anything and everything that comes to mind.
Try to get away from serious issues and talk about what usually wouldn’t even have crossed your mind. Some good questions to start the conversation include:
What animal do you think I look like? And you?
What languages would you like to learn?
What place would you most like to visit?
Do you like the sea? What about the mountains? What about volcanoes?
What planet would you like to visit?
Would you like to see penguins? What about whales?
Do you think foxes have a soul?
Where do you think the rainbow ends?
Would you like to see the moon up close?
The list is endless! Some wonderful, some unusual, some deep in meaning or simply unexpected questions are waiting to be asked to get the conversations flowing. Building communication is easier when there are no “wrong” answers and the questions are interesting not only to you but also to your child.
7. Do not neglect the answers
Don’t ask repetitive questions! Any answer is a valid answer! Sometimes what seems “wrong” to us is correct for our child. It is alright to ask more questions to understand what he had in mind!
9. Create a comfortable environment
It’s important to create a comfortable environment. There is no place for stress, fatigue, or frustration. Start FC only when both of you are calm, rested, and ready to talk. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Use FC as naturally as you would verbal conversation - not at any specific time. Insert communication sessions into your everyday routine with your child.
10. Remember that your KiD is just a kid
First of all, your child is just a child and sometimes may not want to communicate. Your child may be in a bad mood, tired, or may want to simply play, read, or just stay with you in silence. Respect your child’s desires, change the schedule to communicate at another time. Trust the child, trust the process.
11. Crises are a part of the process
Even after you have built successful communication with your child, there will come times when he/she refuses to communicate or answers only simple YES/NO questions. This may make you doubt that this method of communication will work. Remember that this is just a step on your path to successful communication.