The Dangers of Technology for Parents of Special Needs Kids
Why screens might be hurting you and your child, and what you can do to set healthy boundaries and become a happier, more productive parent.
By Spencer Doman, M.Ed.
Recent studies have shown that spending too much time in front of screens is harmful for young children. Brain imaging studies have shown that if tiny kids spend 1 hour or more hours daily in front of a screen, it has an impact on their developing brain, leading to poorer brain organization. This is certainly a concern for any parent as technology and screens have become a daily, consistent part of our lives. Parents must impose boundaries on screen time for children, but that can be a topic for another blog post on another day. What few people have considered are the effects of screentime, social media use and technology on the parents of special needs children. In this article, we will explain how parents are spending too much time in front of screens, why this is a problem for them and their kids, as well as some important guidelines parents can use to keep their use of technology healthy.
I work every day with families of kids with special needs. Over the past few years, I can see that technology and screen time has impacted parents, very often in negative ways. Let’s first address how screens are bad for mental and physical health. First, social media use has been demonstrated to be negative for various areas of mental and physical health. Studies have shown that increased use of our favorite social media sites often leads to increased rates of depression, anxiety and poorer sleep. A recent study that tracked adults ages 19-32 (the age of most young parents) found that adults that had high amounts of social media use felt more “socially isolated” than those who used it rarely. Parents of kids with special needs are already more prone to feel socially isolated, due to many reasons -- their child’s developmental issues might limit their ability to engage in certain social activities and attend events. Parents might also feel a sense of isolation as they might feel their family, friends and other parents don’t understand the difficulties they are facing. If parents of kids with special needs are already prone to feeling socially isolated, social media will likely only make this problem worse.
Let’s be frank. When anyone scrolls through their newsfeed, they are often annoyed by the photos of coworkers enjoying beach vacations, their uncle posting annoying political posts or a friend showing off how much weight they’ve recently lost. Social media can give a feeling of “missing out” and that others are “doing so much more than I am.” For parents of special needs kids, the effects of social media time are likely worse. That sense of social isolation will likely grow greater for parents as they are confronted with hundreds of posts about how amazing life is for everyone else (although many of those same posts are staged, unrealistic and sometimes completely dishonest). Moms and dads might even find themselves annoyed when they view “perfect” pictures of other families or parents with their kids, as they all appear happy and care-free in their staged photos. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with these photos, but if they make you feel bad, then they are leading you to feel miserable, not happy. As a parent of a special needs kid, you don’t need any more difficulty in your life, and that means it’s time for you to start setting strict boundaries for yourself and screens. You’ll become happier, more focused, relaxed and productive if you do.
Your social media newsfeed might be making you miserable.
I tell parents that there are only three valid reasons they should go on social media -- education, inspiration and connection. Education is going on social media to learn something new from a person, organization or company that you find helpful. For example, you might visit the Facebook page of Doman International to read a new blog that might be helpful for your child, check out your favorite chef’s new recipe on their Instagram page, or visit Neil Degrasse Tyson’s Facebook page because you’re interested in astrophysics. This is using social media for education. The second valid reason to use social media is inspiration. Many of our parents find thinkers, coaches and teachers who inspire them to be better people and parents. This might be following a life coach online that you admire, watching videos of a religious leader who inspires you, or checking out videos of kids with special needs on the Doman International page achieving amazing new developmental wins! Third, connection is a good reason to use social media. This could be using social media to touch base with old friends, set up a dinner out with a friend or family member or to join a writer’s group on social media.
I have tried my hardest to help Doman International’s social media, and my weekly Saturdays with Spencer webinar, be a source of inspiration, education and connection for parents of kids with special needs.
Screen time has also been shown to negatively impact sleep quality and quantity, as many people hold off bedtime as they scroll through their newsfeeds. Poorer sleep can affect mood, energy, health and immune system function, and mental health. Parents of kids with developmental issues need all the energy, focus and happiness they can get. Along with losing sleep, technology use has also been associated with less physical activity. Daily walks and runs are powerful for keeping oneself healthy both physically and mentally. Sadly, screens are a kind of “double whammy” for parents as it interrupts the restorative effects of sleep they need and stops them from getting some much needed exercise.
Screens often get in the way of our most important relationships.
Once a parent realizes that social media use is unhealthy, they can begin the process of detoxing themselves from screens and social media. Here are some guidelines that parents can follow that have been very helpful in reducing screen time:
Set an exact time for when you can turn on or off your phone. For example, if you wake up at 6am and go to sleep at 10pm, you might create a rule for yourself that you cannot turn on your phone until 7:30am and the phone must be turned off at 9pm. This gives you a window to interact with your spouse, prepare for your day, get important to dos done, relax, or do whatever other productive/relaxing thing can’t be done when you’re looking at your phone.
Turn off notifications. One way that social media and technology keeps our constant attention is with obnoxious notifications that make sounds and pop up on our screen. This is how technology can control our lives without us even realizing it. Turning off social media notifications AND email and messaging app notifications will allow you to have some peace and not have constant reminders to check these apps.
Consider downloading an app that blocks social media usage during certain times of day to keep you productive. This article is very helpful in recommending 10 different apps (many of which are free) that you can download to keep you away from social media when you’re doing your program.
Have rules that there are no screens during mealtimes. Mealtimes are moments to enjoy your food and socialize with family, not to look at screens. Make it a clear agreement for everyone that there are no screens allowed at mealtimes.
Make your child’s Doman program, and not screens, the absolute priority in the morning. Make it your goal to use the mornings to get the vast majority of your child’s Doman Method® program done, before you start scrolling through social media or messaging people on Whatsapp. There will be plenty of time during the rest of the day to visit Facebook and Instagram and reply to your sibling’s messages on Whatsapp. But the morning time is best used for your child!
If this blog post can help a single parent set some healthy boundaries with social media, restore happiness and sanity to their life and help them be the best parent they can be, it will have served its purpose.