How To Succeed At Patterning: My Very Best Advice
Patterning is one of the most important aspects of a successful Doman Method® program. Patterning is not only for physical development but also for sensory awareness, convergence of vision, and your child’s ability to advance in their mobility development, move higher on the developmental profile, and succeed in achieving physical excellence!
Patterning, as Glenn Doman said, “Is closed brain surgery,” designed to re-program the midbrain and subcortical areas with the information it needs to move correctly, heal, and develop the lower levels of your child’s brain.
On patterning, Glenn wrote: “Indeed, this was our first true treatment method.” Rather than merely increasing the opportunity to develop mobility (by being on the floor or doing physical activities), patterning is directly treating the injured and underdeveloped areas of the brain, allowing your child to progress and move on to higher levels of function.
We all know how important and vital patterning is, but let’s be honest, it can sometimes be one of the most challenging and daunting parts of your child’s program. But, the good news is it doesn’t have to be!
You may be starting a patterning program for the first time, going back to it after a break, or facing some pushback from your child after a long period. I have outlined my very best advice to help you get your patterning consistent, successful, and hopefully add a little enjoyment to the program.
Before I get into the very technical details of patterning (another blog just for technical points will follow!), I want to first go over what are, in my opinion, the most important aspects of a successful patterning program.
Mindset and Mood
Your child can read you like a book, and they know when you are happy, mad, upset, distracted, or nervous. They learn about the world around them from watching you. How they should react to an activity or situation like patterning is no different. That means that if you are trying to pattern them, and you are anxious or nervous expecting them to give you resistance, they sense that and will take it as their cue to feel anxious and nervous. It is only a matter of time before they erupt and do what they need to, to get out of the situation, crying, screaming, wriggling, resisting, biting, and hitting, whatever they can to make you stop.
So the best thing you can do, even if you’ve already had a bad day or unsuccessful patterning session, is pretend to be excited and ready to go! Change your mindset to a positive one and go in with the right attitude. Fake it until you make it:
We know exactly what we are doing! We are patterning experts! We have fun when we pattern! There is no reason for my child to feel uncertain or worried. I’ve got this!
If you change one thing about your patterning sessions, it should be this. Changing your mindset and view of patterning (even if you need to pretend for a while) will set you and your child up to succeed and get on track to moving it towards a happier experience in general.
2. Understanding Vulnerability
Patterning is an entirely passive exercise for your child. They are being moved around, manipulated, and controlled. This situation would create a lot of vulnerability for any person and any child, let alone a child with special needs and especially one who can’t express themselves easily or at all.
Understanding and respecting this vulnerability is your next step towards creating a good and happy association around patterning and moving it towards a successful session.
So how do we ease feelings of vulnerability?
...Through acknowledgment and empathy!
That may sound simple, but showing your child that you know how they feel, can make it a hundred times more comfortable for them to go on and get through a situation that makes them feel vulnerable. Acknowledgment validates their feelings and involves them more in this passive experience.
Instead of:
Ignoring obvious unhappy feelings or behavior
Trying to distract them from what is happening or
Tricking them into it
Tell them that you know exactly how they feel, show them that you understand, that they are valid in feeling this way, but that you are there to help them get through this:
“Sam, I see that you are upset and tired right now, but I am here to do this with you, you will be ok, and after patterning, we will listen to your favorite song together!”
And use this to reinforce the behavior you do want:
“I see you are excited to start patterning; I am so happy! We are going to get it done together, and after, we get to go to the park with your brother! Hooray!”
That may feel simple and silly, but trust me, if you do this every time, it can do a lot for your child’s mindset and overall feeling towards patterning. It is an empowering thing you can do for your child and can be incredibly helpful in any other situation where your child is having trouble coping.
Which brings me to the next part of a successful patterning program, a clear, desirable, and consistent:
3. Rewards System
A rewards system creates motivation, accountability, responsibility, and enjoyment. It has to be realistic and have clear parameters. You need direct established rules, rewards, consequences, and overall you need to be consistent. The second you deviate from the system it will fail, you will lose your child’s trust and show disrespect for their precious reward time and activities.
Step one: Establish the reward
Create a list of all the things your child enjoys doing: listening to music, playing outside, riding their bike, helping you cook, choosing a meal, using the iPad, playing on your phone, feeding the dog, dancing with dad, calling grandma on the phone, playing on their own in their room, reading a new book, going to check the mailbox, the possibilities are endless. They don’t have to be extravagant or a brand new experience or toy every time. They can be anything they already do that they enjoy. Involve your child, ask them about all the things they enjoy doing.
Share this list with them and decode together on a reward. If the choice is a hard thing for your child, present them with only two options at a time. Whatever reward is decided on, from that moment on, it only happens after a session of patterning and no exceptions! If they ask for or want to do the reward they have to pattern first, you can say:
“Oh, what a great idea! It would be fun to go outside and ride your bike. Oh, but we have to do patterning before we can do that. Remember, let’s go do a session now!”
Or
“I know you want to use the iPad right now, bud, but that is your special reward after patterning. You will have to wait until this afternoon when we do patterning!”
Change the reward as often as you need to. Depending on your child and the amount of motivation they need, they may need to pick a new activity to change the reward each day. That is not a bad thing; it gives them even more control over the situation. They are now part of the patterning process and are allowed to choose how it will end but within your parameters set by the rewards on the list.
Specify each time how the reward will work. Always have a time limit on the activities and use a timer for this. Be strict with this, and never relent. Each reward’s time is 10-15 minutes, when the timer goes off, time to put the iPad away or move to the next reward. Outlining these things before you start and before each reward will help set you up for success with this. It may take a couple of tantrums or meltdowns to establish this when you take it away the first few times, but your child is just testing you and testing the boundaries. They are seeing if you will stick to your word or if they can manipulate you for more time. That is how they figure out the world, so don’t take it personally. Use that empathy tool again:
“I know my love, you really want to keep listening to music, but the timer has gone off, and now it is creeping time! But guess what, after you have done your creeping, you get to use it again!”
Step two: Create a clear schedule or checklist that outlines precisely how patterning will go:
How long the sessions will be
How many times each day
How it will increase each week
Who will do what
What is expected of them
What happens after (the reward)
What the consequences are
Expectations. A direct and straightforward poster next to the patterning table, on the fridge, or anywhere they will see throughout the day will help your child with the process. Children crave rules and direction, knowing exactly what is expected of them and how they should behave gives them a sense of calm. The rules are clear, the reward is decided, the consequences are outlined, and you are there to reinforce this. Go over this with your child every day before you start a session and before you increase it for the next week. This will create predictability for your child. Predictability creates stability, and stability gives a sense of safety and order. There is no guesswork or grey-areas on what to do or how to behave. If there is a deviation, the consequences motivate and encourage them to stay on track.
Consequences should be simple, direct, and matter of fact. They don’t need to be overly negative, shameful, or sad. They are there to help with the motivation to do patterning, not to punish. The consequence is that at that moment when your child will not cooperate, they can’t have the reward time:
“Ok bud, I see that you are unable to do patterning right now, I see that you are just too tired. Thank you for trying. Let’s go and have a snack and try again later. Look, I’ll put the iPad here on the table for later when we try again.”
Or
“I know Sam, you really want to go outside, but we can’t right now because your patterning has not been done. I’d really love to go out with you, shall we try patterning again so we can go out to play?”
Be understanding, show empathy, remind them of the reward, give them a second chance, and let them make the ultimate decision. This may mean that sometimes you don’t get all of your sessions done for the day, but it will create a foundation of trust with your child so that down the line you can push them more to do these things that they don’t necessarily like to do because you have shown them respect for their autonomy and their feelings. Patterning, while passive, will now be a partnership with your child. You can teach them that hard work has its rewards and that you are there to support them.
An example reward poster for your child:
Part two coming soon: Technical Points for Improved Patterning.